It's Been Awhile, Hasn't It?

It certainly has now.  Three years since I've written here?  WOW!  I really did not intend for it be such a long time.  But it has been.

I'm still struggling with writing.  Not much has really changed on that front in the last three years.  I guess that's why I haven't blogged here.  I mean do you guys really want to hear me complain about not being able to write...all...the...time?  Or almost all the time?  I don't think so.  I didn't want to bore you with the complaints.

I still want and hope to continue and finish the story I started writing in 2005.   As I may have mentioned before, it was going fairly well I thought.  I was getting words written, I was researching ideas.  I even was starting to work on it for NaNoWriMo.

But then in November of 2006, my world went into a tailspin and turned upside down.  I put NaNo on hold.  My Grandmother died on Thanksgiving day.  It was one of the worst days and worst weeks of my life.  The day she died, the words stopped flowing and my Muse grew silent.  I don't know if my Muse was somehow connected to my Grandma.  I do know she believed in me.  She supported my hopes and dreams.  At that time, she was probably the only person who did.

Since that time, I have tried on and off to write.  Something, anything!   In 2007, I met a friend online (in WoW).  He was a writer too.  And we would talk about things, about writing, writer's block and the like.   He offered to help me out of my block by tag team writing a collaboration.   Now this wasn't anything we were going to publish.  It was just for us, to get the juices flowing.  And so it began with he starting a story (or did I start?  I don't recall now.) and sending it to me.  I would add to it and send it back.  Then we discovered Google Documents and put it there, so all we had to do I email each other when we had done our addition.  It was going pretty good too.  Until he said we needed to do something different.  Unwittingly, I apparently was writing too closely to an idea he was working on for a novel he wanted to publish.  I had no idea!  I didn't even know what his novel, a trilogy if I recall, was going to be about.

So we started a new story.  And we worked on that for a bit.  Then I don't know what happened.  He suddenly didn't have time anymore.  He grew distant, and now we don't even speak anymore.  It's sad really.  I miss my friend.  I thought he was my friend anyway.  Maybe I was wrong?

Every year though, I try to do NaNoWriMo.  The last couple of years, I have also tried to do other WriMos in between.  None with much success.  But I keep trying.  So now here we are in August of 2013.  There's a challenge starting September 1st.  To write 2 pages a day from September 1st until the end of the year.  IF you can do that, you have the first draft of a completed manuscript.  I plan to try.  If I miss a day, that's okay.  I'm not going to put pressure on myself and stress out if I can't get a day done.

To kind of prepare myself for it, I have been trying something new.  For the last week or so, I have been writing in a notebook before I go to sleep.  I pick a random memory from my childhood and write it down from the "Character's" POV.   It's more like she's viewing the memories in her mind.  At first, I started this with the idea of the MC being a version of my 17 year old self.  But I'm thinking now, I want to change that somewhat.

The good news is I am writing!  It may not be my original story, but it's a start.

My Muse Stirs...I think, I hope

I do believe that I sense my Muse stirring. It sort of feels like that long, stretching one does when waking from a peaceful slumber. Though, I don't believe she's been sleeping, more like she's been off on some adventure and failed to include me in her escapades.

You to Kats that replied to my other post are right. I need to follow my heart in my writing. Not worry or care if it's the right genre for right now. Not worry if I have enough of my character(s), plots, settings outlined on paper to where I have more outlines than my WiP has pages. Not worry if I'm doing more telling or showing right now and JUST WRITE. No matter what to just get the story ideas down, things can be edited later to show rather than tell. To add or delete scenes if necessary.

I think it's time to dust off my WiP. Reread through it. And see if I can pick up where I left off. My newer characters that I was thinking of for a new WiP may end up here, or they may not...I don't know. They could work here, but they also seem to have their own story they want to tell.

If I want an immortal Highlander or a Pensive type object in my story I'll put it in. If I need to edit it any way...I'll deal with that later. The main thing I suppose is just to get the words on paper.

What dreams may come

I've had some trouble allowing myself to believe in my dreams. Heh, who am I kidding...A LOT of trouble. I have doubts and fears. I've been put down a lot by people closest to me...that my dreams are worthless and I should be realistic.

For instance, I love fantasy, I want to write fantasy...but I've had some one tell me that's not what I should be writing. That I should write something else like a mystery or a story based around where I grew up. But that's not me.

I had a tarot card reading yesterday, and she saw in the cards, that I would be writing and successful at it. She also saw me doing well in my herbalism/holistic studies and that I'll have a business with it.

Both of those are part of my dreams for the future, and her seeing them working out may have given me just the little bit of hope I need to hold onto my dreams and believe in them.

So just what are my dreams anyway...

Well, that's a good question. My dreams? What are they? I have a lot of them. Some silly, some trivial, some seemingly out of my reach, and some that I just can't let go of.

One dream, that is very important to me is I want to be a Master Herbalist. If you asked old friends and family, they'd probably not even think that was something I'd be interested in. My family might even say it was crazy, I don't know. But it's something I really want to do. I'm taking one course right now, to "get my feet wet" so to speak. I've looked into several courses, and it's so hard to choose. Money being a factor I have to choose carefully and wisely. I also want my certification(s) to come from recognized schools/teachers.

Tie into that, I'd like to be trained in Holistic Healing. I believe the two work hand and hand. I just don't know where I'd get such training. And I don't live near any accredited colleges so right now all my course work would need to be via correspondence schools.

After I have my training, I dream of having an herbal shoppe. Perhaps with a little cafe inside to offer herbal teas and juices, perhaps a light meal of organically grown foods.

Sometimes I feel like I'm dreaming too big, or that I'm too old (I'm 40) to even be attempting to accomplish such things and to be successful at it. But alas, it is my dream. If it will come true...that's another story.

Why here? What's the deal?

Okay, so here's yet another blog. I was layout hunting and came across this one and thought..."WOW! Got to have it!" But, for what blog? As I was pondering that thought, I decide to make yet a new one.

But rather than vent about things here, I want this to be a place where I can post my hopes and dreams. Sort of as a constant reminder to myself that I have them despite the mess my life is in right now.

So here's my dream blog...the things that I might dream about having, wanting, doing. Any progress I might be making on them, etc, etc.